So drunk, too bad you don't want this
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We smell like vodka and hangover
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