you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
