Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
