This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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