this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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