I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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