we have officially lost it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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