we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
