i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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