I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
