We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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