so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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