I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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