Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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