My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
