You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
