we're blogging at a bar
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
