Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
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last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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