Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
