I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
