and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize