I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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