I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
