Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
