I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
