The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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