He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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