he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
