so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
