it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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