Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
