cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
