I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
