my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
