Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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