I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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