how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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