I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
