listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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