Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
