Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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