then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
