you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
