A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
