if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
