you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
