Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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