Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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