i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
