So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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