It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
