He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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