Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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