then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
