Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
