I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
