At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
