I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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