the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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