only if we run a train.
done.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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