i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
