Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
