No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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