my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
