Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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