I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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