That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
