A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
North Korea, Best Korea!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
