so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
