im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
