i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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