I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
